


Alternate Scene: Gadgets

by Python07



Series: Still Kingsman [8]
Category: Kingsman (Movies), Still Game (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, spoilers for ep 7.1: Gadgets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-21 17:49:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8254864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Python07/pseuds/Python07
Summary: In honor of the new season of Still Game, an alternate scene based on ep 7.1: Gadgets





	

“Jack, let me call Alec.”

“No.”

Victor rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Jack.”

Jack rolled his eyes right back. He stuck his chin out. “Victor,” he returned stubbornly.

Victor paced the small space. He waved his arms in agitation. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“Wrong,” Jack shot back. “It was ridiculous twenty hours ago.”

Victor stopped and faced Jack. He threw his arms out in despair. “Jack, look at the state of ye.” His voice rose in pitch. “Stuck in a bath all night.”

Jack squirmed in the cold water and water sloshed over the side onto the already wet floor. A drenched towel sat in the water, over regions that neither he nor Isa wanted her to see. “I’m well aware of that, Victor. I was here.” His arms were trapped but he was able to hold his hands up. “I’m so pruned, if you painted me purple, I could count as a California Raisin.”

“But the NHS said it would be hours,” Victor almost wailed.

Jack winced. “I know.” He fruitlessly tried moving again. “It’s no good. I cannae move.”

Victor sank down onto the toilet lid. “Surely, Alec could mobilize help faster,” he tried reasonably.

Jack glared. He took on a tone that he hadn’t used in years, a tone mostly reserved for terrorists and evil villains bent on taking over the world. “You are not telling Alec that his Da, a former Kingsman agent, a veteran of thirty years on the job, is stuck in a bloody bathtub.”

Victor sat up straight. He pointed at Jack in warning. “Donnae go using that tone on me.”

Jack lowered his eyes. “You’re right,” he muttered. “I’m sorry.” 

“You’re sorry,” Victor scoffed. “Talking to me like that, a fellow veteran of those wars. Ye should be ashamed of yersel, Gawain.” His eyes flashed mischievously. He jumped up and went to check the hall outside the lavvy. Then he started dancing around the bathroom, waving his arms as if he was at a disco. 

Jack’s eyes got wide. “You’ve gone mental.”

Victor leaned in close to Jack. “It’s not my fault that you’re stuck,” he sing-songed. “It’s karma. That’s what it is.”

“What do you mean?” Jack demanded.

“You refused to let me try the TechnoTub after you.” Victor snickered and mocked Jack‘s words from the day before. “No. No. No. No. No. The TechnoTub is a personal thing. That would be like borrowing another man’s sponge.*”

“I guess it’s good that I did.” Jack had just enough freedom of movement to grab the lapels of Victor’s shirt. He pulled Victor’s face into the water. “We wouldnae want you joining the California Raisin brigade.”

Victor jerked away. “Crazy bastard,” he spluttered and reached for a towel off the nearby rack. He dried his face and looked down at his wet shirt. “That’s it. I’m calling Alec.”

“No, you arenae.”

“You just watch me.” Victor marched out. “Where are your glasses? In the bedroom?”

“Victor,” Jack called. “Donnae do it.”

“I cannae hear you,” Victor called back. “I’m too busy ignoring you and saving your arse.”

“Insufferable arsehole,” Jack muttered. 

Victor came back a few minutes later. He held the Kingsman issue glasses out in front of him. “Here we are.”

“Donnae put those on,” Jack growled. “If you do--”

“What?” Victor challenged. “What will you do, man stuck in a bath?”

“You tell Alec about this, all of Kingsman will find out that you couldnae break the door down.”

Victor bristled. “So?”

“So, ye needed Isa to batter the door down to get to me. The great Gareth defeated by a simple door.”

Victor sighed heavily, disappointed. He sat down on the toilet lid again. “What a pretty pair we are. A Gawain stuck in a bathtub and a Gareth who didn’t have the strength to break down a door.” 

Jack shook his head. “Aye, it’s a sorry stare of affairs.”

The glasses in Victor’s hands beeped. He slipped them on. “Hello.”

“You realize that I can hear everything that goes on in that flat if I so choose. I normally don’t pry. Youse are lucky I was checking the equipment today.” Merlin said, half exasperated, half amused. “I’ve already taken care of it and tell Da we will be having words later.”

Victor paled as he looked at Jack. He winced. “Alec knows and I think you’ve got a stern talking to lurking in your near future.”

Jack glared. “That’s just wonderful.”


End file.
